Who am I?

Wednesday, June 12, 2013



"When I look in a mirror,
I don't even recognize myself.
I've got the heart of a winner,
But looking back at me is now someone else.."


Sorry for the lack of updates and all. I had been really depressed about a couple of things recently and I honestly don't feel too good about myself.

I usually don't take things or comments too seriously unless its from someone that I look up to or well respected. And of course the last thing you would ever want to hear from them, is a negative comment.

Just recently, I've been told how I should really let loose about what I'm doing because in some people's eyes, I am trying too hard.

In this world, there are two types of people. One that tries their best, and make it to where they wanna be, and the other is trying so hard to be where they don't belong, in other words being someone they're not. And apparently, I was the latter.... Or so they said.

I really, really, can't help but feel demoralized.

I know how you should never let someone deny you. Even if they are someone important. But honestly, reason why Im even trying is because of every single negativity Ive been taking in. Would I even care if people had accepted things the way it is? What they look at is the end results that you produced. Would they be even bothered by how hard you've work your way to produce results they expect(Still failing to reach their expectations.) or to be someone they want you to be?

Just like what the society had been teaching us ever since we knew how to walk. We have to know the pain of falling, and know how to stand up on our own again. Nobody really cares how much pain you're going through. Because most people simply judge from what they see. I don't deny I am one of them. I am, apparently taught to be someone like them. I'm not blaming anybody. Fault lies with me. I wasn't suppose to judge people, but contextualizing had become such a routine for me it's almost natural to simply judge from what I see. I know, it happens to everybody. Or most girls, at least.

As much as we hate judging people or things... But what can you do when you're just a nobody working for the higher authorities? I've been changing myself so much I couldn't even recognize myself. Still, if you fail to live up to their expectations, you're in for failure.

"Fail to prepare, prepare to fail" does not apply here at all. You can never be up to the expectation from someone that harbors horrendously high ego because they will always think they are better, and would simply fail you when you try to prove you're good.

So now the question comes, what's the point?

We spend years building our dream. But it could easily be torn down within seconds by someone that has more power.

I tried so hard to walk out of my fears and setbacks, all I got in return was a "You try too hard."
It may be just a casual remark. But you know how a casual remark could actually break you into pieces? I didn't work so hard to have my moral thrashed, you know.

Things that you throw away may be things people dream of possessing. Things that feels casual to you, may actually be something that means the world to them.

Guess I shouldn't take it too personal... I mean, it's our life to live, though its them we have to please. Why spend the excess unpaid hours brooding over mere comments that comes out from them without even going through their brains? It's like they don't even spend a second giving you a penny of their thoughts to produce a sentence of insult. It comes out so naturally like the rate of their reproducing blood cells.

But honestly, have some heart and compassion. If you're someone that simply comment without even sparing a second thought, from this point on, you should. You might not know when your casual remark can actually become a death sentence to somebody.

Haters will hate. But haters, we're just like you. We are humans too. Try putting yourself in our shoes..

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